The inner mumbles of the Mumbly Panda

Stuck in a rut

So..stuck in a rut.

hmmm...wearin a "semi-loud" mask at the moment. but the structural make-up of the mask is actually quite frail...found, im runnin out of things to say to people in general...maybe thats a good thing for y'all. dunno...problems are still the same but on one hand, i want to spout it out..on the other, it wont solve anything...will be jus talkin in circles...want to talk to God..but my mind-set recently has been..."He knows me...He knows what i want to say...He knows what i fear..cant i jus offer it up in silence?" i know prayer is the way to talk to Him, but cant i jus sub-conciously release it? bein honest, it doesnt seem to work and it doesnt comfort me in any way but im jus findin words can't say what i want to say. the chemicals in my head are doin it for me...can God test the chemicals and dip the Universal of Unviversal Indicators and see me? It's the buildup of feelings and this throbbin u get in the back of ur head...its beating...its like alive. i think the evil is cloudiin me...when i try and connect, the mind and heart wanders and i can feel a battle arise...and i jus always literally shake my head and close my eyes to sling evil to the corner again..and get God to protect me...it's not working.

i feel things i have are jus slippin away from me slowly..like a car crash waiting to happen. im watching it...but i jus cant stop...Chemicals are overriding the system. i hate it. its slowly unstabalising me.
things i want so badly are jus slowly becoming a theory...a brief moment of pure joy...just going, going, gone.

i thought i sorta got out of the extremely pessimistic stage and now currently in "pessimistic-ville"...

wish i could fly and stay in exile for a lil while and get myself sorted..like Superman.had a spare 3 minutes...



I'm currently listening to: "Who Am I" by Will Young

posted by Mumbly Panda @ 23:34