The inner mumbles of the Mumbly Panda

Keepin' The Faith

so...its been a very hard emotional roller coaster ride these past few days.
after spendin the majority of the summer in total internal turmoil bout results...after the back pats and the "you're goin to medical school" to the eventual near mental breakdown the night before...results are here! Here's.....RESULTS!

Now results, here are few things i watch out for or have noted throughout my years of my usually receivin bad results:

- it always rains and the weather in general is bad...! its true...apart from this year, i spent all of my results day in supposedly SUNNY, TROPICAL, LAND UNDER THE EQUATOR malaysia...and yet, on results day..it rains...
- i find myself spendin at least 20 or so minutes starin at an inanimate object in analytical detail..followin the lines of a desk...starin at a ceramic tile on the floor..noticin the scratch marks on a ruler...
- the playstation has no addictive bound on me
- listenin to music doesnt work either

on the 17th..i did or experienced all 4 things...granted i dont have a playstation here..but still, the other things i went through.
and as i expected, the results were not ones i wanted..that was it...30 minutes previous, i was sittin on 2 offers ready to leave, preferably to ireland...and just like that...*click*...gone. i had nothin. what i thought was somethin God showed me when i first had the offers...never came into fruition. i wanted my money back(!) i remember the days so clearly months back, i was talkin to bert and bein in total awe and joy at the prospect of goin to ireland or sussex to pursue a career in medicine...never mind what the world says that im not goin to make it, God found a way...scratch that...TWO ways...so world, suck on those eggs.

and then gone...what a painful curveball. i never felt so helpless...talkin to my folks was the hardest...lyin on my bed was hard too...knowin, there is no more school...crap, i gotta look for a resit place...crap, i have to face another year out...what the heck next ross?!
so after a whole afternoon and evenin and night of tension and depression...i went to bed...i prayed...as u do when it all falls apart...
"God...what am i doin now? God...where am i goin...? God, where are u takin me...u lead me to this door and as im bout to step through...You take it away...God, i know i dont trust You enough sometimes but please Lord...show me where i need to go next...were im headed...what You have made me to do on this earth? Lord..i dont think my parents can take any more...Lord, i cant take anymore...please show me the path i need...i want to feel truly that i know that livin by faith is all i need..."

the next day, somehow...architecture came into the frame...made some clearin calls..somehow got offers and interviews...dashed to school...raced to sort out a portfolio with my form tutor/art teacher/school mentor ... came back..made more calls..got a few more places...Nottingham Trent was first to offer..interviews at UCE and UEL...okay, thats not bad...i think im sorted. came back from dinner with the CnR folks...problem. Nott Trent is a dud uni...it only offered 3 years..not the 7 i needed...panic mode. i needed to ace UCE interview otherwise im screwed.

the next morning, decided to give a few more places a ring...got offers from Lincoln, Greenwich and Plymouth and wait for a desicion by Kent on Monday...did some research, Plymouth is actually pretty good...but my dad thought Kent could be good...so Plymouth,Kent and possibly UCE...okay, somethin has gotta fall into place right?

Today, more research...Plymouth accordin to terence's architect friend and after readin a few uni guide books...is the way forward....PLYMOUTH it is! God wants whats best for me...this is the best He can deliver me..ill go..sure, id love to stay at UCE for the BCEC but i dont think God jus lives in the BCEC right..? God is everywhere. So yes..sign me up Scotty...

So yeah...just like that, God has put me back on course...sure, its not what and where i expected to go...but i feel happy. I feel that this is it...this where im headed...this is where God has put me. i cant explain..in a weird way, it feels right...i do feel the monkey has been lifted from my shoulder...

Walkin by faith...so hard to do in times like these...but i have to keep rememberin God has got my back always...even when i feel He hasn't...He has...seriously...no no..seriously...and im sure He has yours too. You may not see it sometimes, but He does...

Okay, now where is my calculator and ruler..cos i dont think God put me on earth to kill people with a rickety building.

I'm currently listenin to: "Crest of Waves" by Coldplay

posted by Mumbly Panda @ 19:22